Truisms for future generations

 

On Sunday -- Fathers Day -- the pastor at my church presented a list of the top 10 things his father used to say. It was a pretty tried and true list of expressions that most parents have found themselves saying at least once over the years.

Not now, I'm watching the game.

What did I just tell you?

I don't know, go ask your mother.

All truisms, all targeting perceptions of daily lives for many of us. But one of them -- No, I'm not lost -- made me realize that they may be a bit dated for future generations. Especially those with map apps in their phones, or a GPS built into their car.

In the interest of posterity, I've made a briefer list for what todays parents may be saying.

n Stop making faces at musical.ly.

Those with children -- especially daughters -- of the tween variety or under are probably familiar with the phone app. Overbilling itself "the world's largest creative app," musical.ly is better known to parents as "the world's leading cause of your child making duck faces and dragging peace symbols across their eyes."

It's supposed to allow kids to recreate music videos. Instead it just leads to children dancing to music no one else can hear.

n Stop using my charger.

Pick your favorite electronic device. Laptops, phones, wireless game controllers.

A lot of the things that make our culture more productive and more connected generally plug in to something. And many times those chargers also plug into your children's somethings as well, which results in your chargers getting taken along to sleepovers, trapped under couch cushions and lost in book bags.

n I don't care if all your friends have a YouTube channel.

There are few good reasons why a teen, preteen, in between kid and teen, or anyone else needs a YouTube channel. But there are plenty of them. Channels dedicated to room tours (it's amazing how many rooms some kids have). DIY's for kids who can't make a ham sandwich on their own. Box openings.

For anyone unfamiliar with that last one -- more commonly known as unboxings -- some folks actually sit around and watch people take things out of their retail packaging. It's riveting watching someone describe the thickness of Cellophane, see their dismay at adhesive usage and then successfully pull out whatever widget they ordered.

Also acceptable social media would be "I don't care if all your friends have Facebook." Or, "an Instagram account." Those weren't mentioned since by the time the upcoming generations is old enough to hear that admonishment, people will be tired of looking at someone else's lunch or pet pictures.

n No you can't make in-app purchases.

It seems absurd, but people will pay real money to buy fake diamonds and costumes. They'll even buy extra lives while ignoring their real ones.

Amazing.

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